The Lemon House
by TheLoudestShips
Summary: If the title isn't obvious enough just read the story
1. Chapter 1

Can You Take Me…

Luna is practicing guitar on the couch, and sees an orange and blue flash of light streak past her. Knowing those colors, she goes upstairs and gently knocks on her brother's door.

"Lincoln dude, what's up?"

She hears heavy sobs

"C'mon Lincoln, you know you can always talk to me "

She hears more crying in response

"Alright, I'm coming in"

She sees her younger brother in a fetal position on his bed

"What happened Linc?"

"R-Ronnie broke up with me, she called me weak, boring and a nerd, and she said that you guys were meddling with our relationship"

"That bitch! I'll fucking kill her!"

"Luna don't, I don't want anybody getting hurt"

"Okay, I won't kill her. But I'm sure as hell gonna tell Lori to break up-"

"Luna, I just told you not to hurt anybody, especially not Lori"

"Lincoln, she can't say shit like that, we're meddling, what the hell does that even mean?"

"I wonder if she's right though"

"Of course she isn't! She's the one who's boring, she's a cut and paste tomboy!"

"No, about you guys"

"Is this meddling?" Luna says, planting a kiss on her brother's lips

Lincoln, shocked at first, deepens the kiss, grabbing Luna's shoulders

Luna breaks it after about a minute

"N-no, I don't think that was what she meant"

"Oh, I ain't done yet, c'mon, Luan's out, so we can use my room"

"Umm, I don't think we should do that Luna. I mean, I want to."

"Pshaw, my room is soundproofed, unlike this one, so nobody would hear us"

"Luna, I-I don't know"

"C'mon bro, it'll help you destress"

"Alright, alright. You broke me, I'll… do it with you Luna"

"Sweet! C'mon Linc."

They transition to Luna's top bunk, but before that, Luna kicks her radio, and a song starts (High Enough, Damn Yankees).

*Don't wanna hear about it, anymore

"Why'd I agree to this?"

*It's a shame I have to live without ya, anymore

"Shut up, this is gonna be our first time Lincoln. I want it to be special! Let the good times roll bro"

*There's a fire in my heart, a pounding in my brain. It's driving me crazy

"Jesus fucking christ Luna, why are you so horny?!"

*We don't need to talk about it, anymore

"Two words: whore, moans"

*Yesterday's just a memory; can we close the door

"Y'mean hormones?"

*I just made one mistake, I didn't know what to say

"What'd I say?"

*When you called me baaaaayby

"Whore moans, as in a whore is moaning"

*Don't say goodnight, say you're gonna stay forever. Oh woa oh all the way!

"Hahaha, well one's about to be if you stop being a chicken"

*Can you take me high enough, to fly me over (fly me over) yesterday

"Are you sure Luna?"

*Can you take me high enough?

"As sure as I'll ever be"

*It's never over and yesterday's just a memory, Yesterday's just a memory.

"That isn't reassuring me"

*And I don't want to live without you, anymore

"Ha… well anyways, can ya just fuck me already bro"

*Can't you see I'm in misery

"Again, when did you become a slut?"

*And you know for sure, I would live and die for you

"As soon as I laid eyes on-"

*And I'd know just what to say, when you called me baaaayby

"Bullshit! That expression makes no sense, you were 4 years old when you first saw me!"

*Don't say goodbye, say you're gonna stay forever. Oh woa oh all the way!

"You didn't let me finish, I was going to say your washboard abs, caring smile and overall good character"

*Can you take me high enough! Can you fly me over (fly me over) yesterday! Can you take me high enough! It's never over, and yesterday's just a memory

"No, you weren't going to say that, you were probably going to say my body, when we had to shower together a few months ago when Lana busted the water main"

*I'm running, I was running for the door, the next thing I remember, I was running back for more, yeah

"Okay, you got me, but can you please let me help you destress by having sex with you"

"Luna! What the fuck did you just say!?" Luan says, turning off the radio


	2. Chapter 2

**I wanna start by saying that I just pulled the cockblock of the century! And also, PM me questions/suggestions, I can't sift through that much stuff in the review section**

"Shit! I forgot to lock the door!"

"H-hey Luan"

"Linc, can you leave please"

"Thank christ!" He says running out of the room

"No, Lincoln, you're my only protection, she'll go batshit on me!"

"Did you seriously say what I think you said?"

"Possibly." Luna mutters, fixing her hair and clothes

"What the hell Luna?! I know for a fact you dream of this sort of thing, but in real life? This isn't okay"

"But Luan, you don't know why I tried to pull a stunt like this"

"Alright, tell me"

"How about I show you, you have cameras all over the place, right?"

"Fine. Tell me, show me, as long as I know what the hell's going on!"

After careful review, the ruling in the room stands, Luna is a hormonally guided incestuous slut, 1st down

"I-I-I don't know what to say"

"That I was in the right?"

"Hell no! Poor Lincoln, you tried to force yourself on him because his girlfriend broke up with him! That most certainly isn't 'In the right'!"

"Okay fine, but at least I tried to help him"

"WE HAVE PROTOCOLS FOR STUFF LIKE THIS! Breakups I mean, not forcing yourself on somebody"

"LUAN DON'T YELL AT ME!"

"WHY EVER NOT BITCH"

"BECAUSE IF SOMEONE HEARS US, WE'RE FUCKING DEAD"

"You mean you're fucking dead, I've committed no crime" Luan says ending the shouting match

"Oh really"

"Yes, really"

"Damn it, I thought you'd fall for that"

"Luna, I ain't Leni"

"That's right, I'm Leni"

"LENI WHAT THE HELL?!"

"I heard you two yelling about 'Lincoln, girlfriend, protocol, bitch, dead'-"

"Did somebody say dead?"

"LUCY!?"

"Alright, before Luna and I pee ourselves out of fright and/or surprise, I'm calling an All Sister Meeting"

"DIBS ON NOT GOING!" The four sisters hear Lincoln yell

"You don't have to, I said sister"

 **Slightly Later**

"I hereby call this meeting to order, this afternoon's topic, what I saw earlier today"

"Fuck. You. Luan" Luna mutters

"I heard that!"

"Guys, guys let's not have a fight cloud in here" says Lori, the owner of the room they were in

"Okay, fine. Also, no cursing (cough) Luna (cough)"

"I WILL TURN YOU ALL INTO HUMAN PRETZELS!" Lori shouts

"Geez Lori, fine anyways, on to our topic. Before that however, I'm going to have to ask Lily and Lisa to leave…"

"I don't care about this anyway" says the now 8 year-old Lily

"Then why were we here in the first place older sibling unit No.6?" Says the now 11 Lisa

"And that if she doesn't want to be killed, Luna leave too" Says Luan ignoring whatever Lisa said

"Nope, I deserve whatever happens, I just want to say… screw you hormones!" Luna vents

"And with those things out of the way, let me start with some videographic accompaniment" Luan continues

"Should've left" Luna remarks

"SHOVE IT" Luan scolds

"I WOULD'VE BUT YOU STOPPED ME!" Luna yells back

"Ewww, T.M.I" Luan says, while miming vomiting

"Gotcha" Luna says with a laugh

"ANYWAY..." Luan says, clicking play

However long it took you to read the last chapter later

"Damn"

"I EXPLICITLY SAID NOT TO CURSE!"

"Fuck you whore cunt bitch"

"C-can we go now" ask Lana and Lola, legitimately scared

"No, we have to discuss, or there's no point in a meeting"

"There already wasn't"

"OHHHHHHHH, GET REKT LUAN!" shouts Lynn

"Lynn shut up, Luan's already really pissed" whispers Lucy

"But she got rekt so bad!" Lynn whimpers

"I know." Lucy deadpans

"Can we please resume our conversation?"

"I. Don't. Care. Either. Way" Luna growls

"I'll take that as a yes, so how do you all feel"

"Confused" Leni says (nothing new there)

"Ignored" a very annoyed Lori says

"Like I want to puke" says Lynn, doing the same motion as Luan

"Intrigued" Lucy says with a smirk

"Like we aren't alone anymore" Lana and Lola say simultaneously

"Wait what was that last thing" Lori, Leni, Luan and Luna ask

"Like we want to leave" Lola and Lana lie

"Hmmm, whatever, but how do you **feel,** as in how does this make you think of Luna"

"I hate you Luan"

"Ditto for you hoe"

"Why you little-"

"STOP FIGHTING! NOW!" Lori growls

"I feel like I need to share something" Lynn says slowly

"Lynn, I just clarified my question, I meant what emotions do you feel" Luan says, not realizing what Lynn means

"But Luan, I have no emotions" Lucy adds

"CAN ONE THING GO RIGHT FOR ME TODAY?!"

"Doesn't look like it" Lola and Lana kid

"I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR INPUT RIGHT NOW!"

"Well too bad, we didn't ask you to call us to a meeting where you yell at Luna for a really long time" Lola remarks

"GET REK-" Lynn starts

"Lynn, what did I say?"

"Sorry Luce"

"I'm out, this was pointless" Luna and Lucy say

"Me too" Leni adds

"Leni this is your room" Lynn clarifies

"Oh yeah" Leni says with a blush

"Wait Leni, let's just kick Luan out, this is our room" Lori observes

"Good idea Lori!" Leni says enthusiastically

"Bye bitch!" Lori and Leni say with troll grins, while comically kicking Luan in the ass so hard she flies out

"Curse words!" Luan yells

"Okay, I'll stay now that she's gone"

"Can I say what I wanted to say from earlier now?"

"Sure Lynn, go ahead. But first, I now appoint myself as the leader of this meeting" Lori says in her bossy tone

"So I just want to say, I think I'm in love with Lincoln too!" Lynn says with a greater speed than at which she runs

"Well we can't both be in love with him" Luna says

"You mean the three of us" Lucy deadpans

"Me four!" Lori says before covering her mouth

"Slow down everybody, so Lucy, Luna, Lori and I are all in love with our brother? Hold on a sec, I sense a pattern, Leni are you in love with Lincoln?" Lynn observes

"Of course not, he's our brother. Are we talking about a different Lincoln?"

"No Leni, w-we're talking about the same one" Lynn clarifies

"And Lana and Lola are in love with each other…" Lori says

"Yup!"

"So that leaves Leni, Lisa, Lily and Luan?"

"I'm not so sure about Luan" Lucy adds

"Why not?" Luna asks

"You all saw how overprotective she was being right?" Lucy continues

"Oh shit! You're right!" Lynn exclaims

"Well I know for sure I ain't sleeping in the same room as Yandere Chan..."

 **END OF CHAPTER 2**


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3: Shit's Bout To Get Real (No song for this one, it's too much plot)**

"Then how about you sleep in here, and I'll sleep with Lincoln?" Lori suggests

An argument, turn fight cloud ensues over who gets to sleep with their brother

"Alright, everyone be quiet, how about I sleep with Linky" Leni suggests

"That's fair" everyone agrees

"Cool, g'night everybody"

"Night Leni"

 **Slightly Later…**

"Hi Linky!"

"Umm, hi? What's up Leni?"

"Luna doesn't want to sleep in the same room as Luan, so I'll be staying with you until all this blows over"

"All what?"

"Lynn, Lori, Luna, Lucy and Luan being in love with you"

"WHAT?!"

"I said Lynn, Lori, Luna, Lucy and Luan are totes in love with you!"

"I know what you said Leni, b-but how and why?"

"Lincoln, I'm sorta slow, so I'm like the totes worst person to ask"

"I guess I'll ask Lana and Lola then. But tomorrow, you need your beauty sleep Leni."

"Aww, you're so sweet Linky"

"Thanks" Lincoln says before passing out

 **THE NEXT MORNING (No, this wasn't a Lincoln x Leni chapter, sorry to all the people who suggested it)**

 _Lincoln is being really cautious not to get noticed by his other siblings as he sneaks to Lana and Lola's room_

"Hi Lincoln, whazzup?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing"

"Leni told you about Luan, Lynn, Lucy and Lori, didn't she?"

"Possibly"

"We all specifically asked her not to!"

"Guys, she's Leni"

"Oh right"

"Anyways, can you explain to me what happened"

"It's pretty funny actually…"

 **Slightly Later**

"So… I'm in a house with five people in love with me, and one could be willing to kill the other ones?"

"Guess so"

"Dammit, oh sorry, you guys are too young for me to curse"

"You should've heard some of the things Lynn and Luna said at the meeting"

"Don't repeat those!" the three siblings hear Lynn yell

"So, um… I guess I'll go then?"

"You could stay if you wanted to, I mean we'd keep you safe if you did, right Lana"

"Of course, you're our brother! We'll always protect ya, even from our sisters"

"Oh my god, I can't thank you two enough, I can deal with Lynn, Lucy and Luna, but Lori and Luan?"

"Why Lori?"

"She can be kind of hard to deal with sometimes"

"Lynn less angry than Lori?"

"Lynn and I are already in a relationship, so I know how not to upset her. Lori on the other hand… we've never been close"

"Fair enough"

"I just thought of something, how are you two taking this so well?"

"We've been a couple for a while, so this isn't too new to us"

"Alright, but I need to leave now, I want to go forgive Luna. Where is she by the way?"

"She should be in Lori and Leni's room"

"Thanks!"

 **Even Later (Around 10:30am)**

KNOCK KNOCK

"Who is it?" Luna sings

"Lincoln."

Luna winces at this, "Come on in bro"

"Luna I-I want to forgive you for what happened yesterday" Lincoln says, as he doesn't notice Luna's purple eyes dilate

"I don't really deserve that, I've been a very bad girl, I think you need to punish me"

"Luna Loud, you cannot do this again"

"I'll make sure she doesn't try anything"

"I know about what's happening, and thanks"

"Leni told you?"

"Yeah…"

"Figures"

"I think I've been a very bad girl"

"Luna, I-I don't want to have to hurt you"

"Ouch! What the hell just happened" Luna says, her eyes now normal

"I didn't hit you yet, and I haven't decided to"

"Unless you were going to hit me in the pussy, I doubt this is the same thing"

"I-I wasn't planning on it"

"Seriously what did I do just now, it's like my thoughts got shoved into the back of my mind"

"You continued to be a whore"

"Hey!"

"It's true!"

"What are you doing in here again, I think your explanation fell on deaf ears bro"

"I came in here to say that I forgive you Luna. I know that just now, and yesterday, wasn't the real you; the real you is smart, cool, funny, a rockstar, but not a- how did you put it Lori?"

"Whore, slut, tramp. Take your pick"

"Yeah, that"

"Well whoever this Imposter Luna bitch is, she ain't gonna fuck with the real Luna Loud!"

"So… what now? And I swear to god if I Imposter Luna tries anything, I'm friggin' outta here!"

"About that, is there an imposter Lori?"

"Probably, but I have more restraint since I kinda still have a boyfriend"

"Oh crud! I have a girlfriend that isn't related to me still! What the hell should I do?!"

"You have a few courses of action: Keep her far away from Luan, tell her about all this, break up with her, stop talking to her, or you could make something up"

"I should probably tell her, shouldn't I"

"You should take Lynn with you, she might not take it to well"

"I'll do that later, right now I should probably talk to Lucy and Lynn"

"Doesn't matter to us what you do, but stay far (times infinity) away from Luan"

"I'd like to at least try to have relationships with you guys, but Luan needs to know that going full Yandere won't do any good"

"She isn't gonna listen to anybody but you for a while, but seriously, don't go near her!"

"I won't" says Lincoln, walking out


	4. Chapter 4

**Seconds Later… (Chapter 4) (The song for this one is I Remember You By Skid Row)**

"Knock knock!" Lincoln says

"Who's there?" Lynn asks

"Lincoln"

"Lincoln who?"

"Lynn, I wasn't making a joke! Just let me in."

"Oh, haha… ha. Sorry about the mess"

"Is something up Lynn? You've never apologized for anything before, or acknowledged that your room is constantly a mess."

"What could possibly be up?"

"Lynn, we were already dating, everything that's happening isn't new to you, so what's going on with you?"

"I don't know, I don't feel like myself anymore!"

"Uh-oh…"

"Why is that an uh-oh?"

"Because when I talked to Lori and Luna- especially Luna-, they said that they didn't feel themselves, and then started acting like women of the night"

"So… whores?"

"I don't want to call my sister a whore Lynn"

"That makes sense"

"Anyway, I don't want that to happen to you. Lynn, I love you, and I don't want to have to knock you out if you try something"

"Ok, one, that was beautiful, two, you and I both know you can't knock me out"

"That scares me more, because I know how easily you can overpower me, so…"

"I'm sorry about this bro, but considering that, I think you might should go"

"You're right, I love you Lynn"

"Love you too Lincoln"

"Oh, that reminds me, Luna and Lori told me I should probably talk to Ronnie Anne, so I was wondering if you'd go with me"

"I wouldn't want you to go any other way"

"Thanks, I'll be away now"

"Again, I love you"

"Likewise"

 **Later...**

"Hi Ronnie Anne." Lincoln says, walking up to the tomboy

"What do you want Lame-o" Ronnie Anne responds

"Grrrr" Lynn growls from behind some bushes

"I have to tell you something, it's pretty important" Lincoln says with a grimace

"I don't really care about what's going on in your life anymore, but if you really want to talk, I don't have anything better to do" the Hispanic girl responds

"Ok thanks, so it all happened like this…" Lincoln says, starting from the beginning

"What. The Actual. Fuck. Does your sister know incest is illegal?" Ronnie says after hearing the story

"Don't talk about her like that" Lincoln retorts

"Why shouldn't I?" Ronnie asks

"Because..." Lincoln starts

"Because why?" Ronnie questions

"Oh Lynn" Lincoln calls out

Lynn then comes out of the bushes, swinging a baseball bat at Ronnie's knees

"Ouch, what the fuck was that for" Ronnie Anne exclaims

"Bad-mouthing my sister" Lynn answers

"Uh, I was posing a legitimate question Relatable-o" Ronnie clarifies

"You can just call me Lynn, thanks" Lynn retorts

"And to answer your question, yes I'm pretty sure everyone knows that incest is illegal" Lincoln answers

"Well whatever, as this traumatic experience may have made you forget, I broke up with you! So I don't know why you think I care!" Ronnie says

"Oh yeahhh, that's why this whole thing started isn't it" Lincoln remembers "Luna tried to kiss me because you broke up with me"

"In other words, gee fucking thanks!" Lynn exclaims hitting Ronnie again

"OWWWWW, Stop hitting me!"

"Anyway, considering that fact, I think we'll be off then, goodbye forever Ronnie Anne"

 **In The Loud House's Basement**

(Making out sounds, sadly, that's never happened to me, I've never made it to third base)

 _As the two teens explored each others mouths, with the familiar tunes of Skid Row in the background, knowing this wouldn't last, but doing it anyway_

*Woke up to the sound of pouring rain

"What's the point of love that doesn't last anyway?" Lynn asks

*Wind would whisper, and I'd think of you

"No idea, I enjoy this a whole lot more" Lincoln says with a goofy grin

*And all the tears ya cried they call my name, when you needed me I came through

"Agreed, now less talky more steamy making out-y" Lynn asks, putting her sexy grin back

*Paint a picture of the days gone by, when love went blind and you'd make me see. I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes, so that I knew you were there for me. Time after time you were there for me!

 _Their hormones guiding them, Lynn and Lincoln remove each other's outer clothing, leaving them in their undergarments_

*Remember Yesterday!? Walking hand in hand!? Love letters in the sand, I Remember you! Through the sleepless nights, through every endless day, I wanna hear ya say I remember, I remember you woah-oh-ohhhh

"All the way?"

"Lynn that was in the song for chapter 1" Lincoln says winking to me, I see you brah (chill out sign)

"No idiot, do you wanna go all the way?"

 _Lynn gets no response_

"C'mon, you wouldn't do it with Luna, but we've been dating for months bro"

 _Still nothing_ , in response Lynn switches to Motley Crue's Girls, Girls, Girls

"Okay, I guess I'll give you a taste then" Lynn says, doing a really sexy flash (writing that totally didn't give me a boner)

*Ridin' high kinda need a fight, my motorcycle, a switchblade knife, hands full a' grease and my head feels right, what I need to get me tight are those girls girls girls!

"Uh, uh, uh..." Lincoln stutters, as Lynn does a stripper-ish dance across the room

"Long legs and burgundy lips!" Lynn sings along to Vince Neil's vocals

"Holy Sweet Little Sister"

"Nobody but you and I get that reference"

"Nuh-uh, anybody who owns Skid Row's self-titled album gets it"

"Yeah, still really just you and I. And that doesn't relate to the situation very well, I'm older than you"

"Sebastian Bach obviously didn't have a really, really, really smoking hot sister"

 _Lynn Blushes_

"Well if you think I'm smoking hot, then why don't we do something about it"

 _Lincoln's eyes go wide_

"Lynn! The other sisters are still home!"

"You're right, how about tomorrow when they go to the mall, we tell them we'll stay back and watch the football game on the couch, then we sneak up to your room and, well you know…" Lynn plots, her seductive grin making its return

"Well, I usually make the plans, but that one's pretty good, so I guess it's our best chance" Lincoln says, seeing Lynn very much in her thoughts

"Lynn, you aren't trying to turn this into a sport are you"

"Of course not, why would you think that?"

"You are!"

"Okay I might have thought about it" Lynn says "but it's not like I was really going to"

"Lynn, I love all the rest of our sisters a little bit less than you, it wouldn't be fair"

"That doesn't stop me in football, I'm only really good if I see you in the stands"

"Your "not bad" is most player's career high" Lincoln remarks "But, do you really get better when I'm there?"

"Of course my love"

"Well in that case, and I'll admit, I was going to blow you off and go to the mall anyway. But hearing that-" Lincoln starts

"Blowing you off is my job though!" Lynn jokes

 _Both of them burst out laughing_

"No, but really though, I'm willing to have sex with you, but not anybody else, yet" Lincoln declares

 _Lynn squeals like a little girl_

"Geo did you get into the basement again?!" Lana calls down the stairs, hearing the squeal


	5. Special Double Chapter! (5 and 6)

**Chapter 5 (No song, the last one had two, P.S, you should really listen to those songs, not specifically with the story, but at some point)**

"Shit! Lynn put your clothes back on, and cut the music!" Lincoln whispers

"On it!" Lynn whispers back

"Geo!" Lana calls down the stairs

"Maybe she'll go away if we shut up" Lynn whispers

"Must've been hearing things" Lana says, walking away

"Phew, now how are we going to sneak upstairs?" Lynn asks

"I have an idea, let's go outside and then knock on the door, and make it look like we went to the park" Lincoln says (First "Man With The Plan" moment of the story)

"Cool plan, but, there's no door to the outside down here"

"Dammit"

"There's a window though" Lynn says, pointing to a window on the very top of the wall

"Sigh, I don't see a better option"

"Cool, now I'll give you a boost, and you pull me up"

"Got it" Lincoln agrees, before Lynn boosts him up to the ledge "C'mon pull-ups, work your burning arm magic"

 _After seeing Lincoln barely get there, Lynn reaches her arms up_ "Alright, just be my anchor and I'll rappel up the wall"

"I have no idea what most of those words mean, so I'll just hold your hands" Lincoln says, grabbing Lynn's still warm hands

"That's what I meant!" Lynn answers as she starts climbing

 **A Little Later (sure this is lazy writing, but I don't feel like writing 2 seconds of Lynn climbing)**

"Okay, problem solved, now we just go inside" Lynn explains

"Wow sis, that was a pretty cool plan"

"Why thank you sweet brother o' mine"

"Cool reference!"

"Thanks!" Lynn says, climbing onto the porch, then knocking on the door

"Oh, hi dudes!" says Luna, opening the door

"Hey Luna!" Lynn and Lincoln respond

"Where were you guys? I didn't see you leave."

"We were just-uhhh, Lynn help me out here!"

"We went to-"

"Something's awry here, innit?"

"Yes-I mean no-maybe-possibly-okay fine yes"

"What did you guys do?"

"First you gotta promise not to freak out, and prove you're the real Luna"

"Okay one, I'm cool, I promise not to freak out, second off, I can't prove jackshit, but I've been talking to you for a few minutes and I haven't done anything dumb yet"

"Good enough, anyway, we may or may not have made out" Lynn tentatively says

 _Silence_

"Luna, you okay?"

" .Fuck!" Luna says, jumping straight over Lincoln, and trying to choke Lynn out

"Ditto! Luna get off!" Lynn says, before getting out of the triangle choke

"Who? What? Oh man, what'd I do now?" Luna groans

"YOU TRIED TO FUCKING CHOKE ME YOU HOMICIDAL BITCH!"

"I DID WHAT?!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID!"

"What's happening to me?"

"Hell if I know, but you need to chill the fuck out!"

"Maybe I should go away for a while"

"But if you leave, who're we gonna jam with?"

"Anybody but some fucked up loser, who tried to have sex with her brother"

"That would just leave Lincoln though"

"You tried too?!"

"Not exactly, but we made plans" Lynn says, with a seductive smile

"Want a threesome?" Luna kiddingly asks, catching the collected Lynn visibly off guard

"Wha-I-Well-I'd-I don't-maybe" Lynn stutters

"Relax Lynn, I was kidding, unless you want too" Luna says, as she walks back through the door, but not before lifting her purple kilt up a bit

"Hey asshole narrator!" Lincoln shouts at the sky, AKA Me (What?) "I don't get any dialogue for a whole paragraph, you dick!" (Not my fault, did you really want to interject into a conversation about your sisters wanting to bang you?) "I should at least get input!" (I can narrate any scenario for you, you little accident, I could make you bitch slap Lynn right now, and you could do nothing, so messing with me isn't wise!) "So you're narrating me talking to you?" (No, what you say is all you, but I control your actions) "Wait, so that means… ARE YOU THE ASSHAT WHO'S MAKING MY SISTERS ACT LIKE SLUTS!?" (No dude, I swear to god that isn't me!) "Really?" (Yes, I swear)


	6. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 (Look What The Cat Dragged In, Poison)**

"Okay, but I'm watching you, ya cheeky fuck!" Lincoln yells at me (Dude, legit I swear, it isn't me)

"Fine" Lincoln says, going inside (All in due time man, all in due time)

 **Meanwhile, in The Legion Of Doom, shit, I mean The Loud House (Too much Robot Chicken Best Of DC)**

"Gee, that narrator dude sure is an odd guy" Lincoln says, before walking straight into Luan

"Why hello there Lincoln!" she happily exclaims "You should really _bee_ more careful" she says, pretending to sting him

"Hardy-Har-Har" Lincoln says

"What's with the sarcastic laugh? You always laugh at my jokes!" Luan observes, a slight frown appearing on her face

"It's not you Luan, it's just… well, I'm under a whole lot of stress currently"

"Would that stress be from your slut of a sister?" Luan asks

"Ha, which one?" Lincoln jokes

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Luan questions

"I really just messed up didn't I?" Lincoln says in a small voice

"Damn right! Now I'm going to make you tell me why that was your answer, or I'll… Do a thing!" Luan says, her confidence wavering at the end

"What 'thing' would that be?" Lincoln snarkily questions

"Do you want to take that chance?" Luan asks back

"No. Anyways, and this is exactly as I heard it, after you got kicked out of the meeting, several sisters confessed that they're in love with me" Lincoln admits

"Which. Ones" Luan says, with a harsh tone

"I'm not comfortable telling you" Lincoln cries

"TELL. ME" Luan aks forcefully

"NO! Lincoln yells

"Lincoln J(on). B(onjovi). Loud, I swear to god, if you don't tell me, I will, I'll, I'll! SHOVE LYNN'S BASEBALL BAT SO FAR DOWN LUNA'S THROAT THAT IT WILL KILL HER ANGLOPHYLLIC, INCESTOUS, YOU-STEALING… I CAN'T EVEN FINISH THAT SENTENCE!" Luan yells

 _Upon hearing this, Lynn and Luna (Conveniently the two sisters that were in that sentence, and had a conversation right before this chapter) run out of the kitchen at lightning speed, approaching Luan, annnnnd, cue Batman joke_

WHAM!...FLURB!... KABLAM!... BIFF!... POW!… ARF!... TWANG!

(Picture Luan as The Riddler, just to make it better)

"Stay away from our boyfriend!" Lynn and Luna shout, after just laying into Luan with anything conveniently placed (I.E One of Luna's guitars, Charles The Dog, the aforementioned baseball bat, soccer cleats, Lincoln (yes they hit Luan with Lincoln) etc.)

"What the hell happened here?" Lola asks, before seeing the seething Lynn and Luna "I'll come back later"

"Phew… that was quite a beating Luna, fair play to you for using some serious wrestling moves"

"Yeah (pant) I like to watch it (pant) for the bad-ass theme songs (pant)"

"Owww" Luan stirs

"You stay the hell out of this!"

(And now please welcome special guest narrator… Morgan Freeman! And so, the two sisters, now satisfied with the brutal ass-kicking, went to get drunk at the local Irish Pub, because all Irishman are super cool and bad-ass, cheers to Red the Pokemon Master there, pretty sure he's Irish, as well as that other narrator, he's of Irish descent)

"Holy hell." Lincoln says in disbelief

"L-Linc?" Luan croaks

"Huh? Oh, what is it Luan?"

"I love you" She chokes out (And with those three words, Lincoln realized what he hadn't before, Luan was just a whole lot less open to free love than Lynn and Luna. Okay, anyway, Morgan Freeman everybody!)

"Please… d-don't tell anybody" Luan says, obviously having difficulty talking

"I won't" Lincoln agrees

"And one more thing…" Luan says

"Name it" Lincoln says

"This" Luan says, kissing him on the cheek, before passing out

"I'm-I'm sorry Luan, I could've saved you" Lincoln says, before crying tears that were totally manly

"It's okay, Lincoln don't go cryin' on me" Luan says before bursting into laughter

"But, you were just-and Lynn and Luna-Charles The Dog-Flurb"

"All for you"

"But how are you okay?"

"I'm incredibly stealthy, so I just snuck away before they actually started hitting what they thought was me, while they were actually hitting the carpet"

"But, death threats?"

"Pfft, I know I can't fight Luna"

"But you yelled at her, you called her names, you almost did fight"

"That was like months ago!"

"It was three days ago (There's some perspective for ya)"

"Anyway, who the hell cares, I got to be the first sister to kiss you!"

Not wanting to ruin the moment, Lincoln just kisses her again

"Your tongue tickles!" Luan chuckles

 **Two Or So Hours Later (You May Be Asking Where The Song Is, But Just You Wait)**

 _*I went to bed too late and got up too soon_

"We should hang out more!" Says Lynn, her and Luna coming home from a day at the bar, there was a football game on, so they just stayed

 _*My poor head's till spinnin' from a too much booze_

"I know right!" Luna says

 _*I got a foot in the gutter, a foot in the grave! Ain't seen home in the last three days!_

"Hiya guys!" Lincoln says from the couch

 _*Oh my god look what the cat dragged in! Livin' my life, sin after sin!_

"What's the haps?" Lynn asks, the less drunk of the two

 _*Night rolls up and I do it again! Oh, my god look what the cat dragged in! out! In! Look what the cat dragged!_

"Man are we drunk, and maybe a little bit high" Luna observes

 _*No tell, motel, hotel bed! If it wasn't for the sunlight, I'd swear I was dead!_

"Dark Side of The Moon and The Wizard Of Oz?" Lincoln asks (Leave a review if you get that one)

 _*Got a girl on the left a' me, a girl on the right! I know damn well I slept with both last night!_

"You know stoned us so well!" Luna says, as they go to sit down, but they see another figure on the couch…

 _*_ _I'm late for work on Monday and my boss is bitchin' Can't get out of bed cause my head's still spinnin' My hair's in a rat's nest, I look like hell! Half alive or half dead, I just can't tell!_

"This'll be great!" Luan says

 _*Oh my god look what the cat dragged in! Livin' my life, sin after sin! The night rolls up and I do it again! Oh my god look what the cat dragged in! (Cat dragged in) Look what the cat dragged in! (Cat dragged in). Song Over_

"Oh come on!" Lynn protests "Where are all the bruises from all that stuff we hit you with?"

"Yeah!" Luna agrees "If we weren't loaded, we'd beat you up again"

"Guys, stay off Luan! She's nice now, and very docile"

"Yeah, seriously guys, please don't hurt me"

"Okay, but we're watching you Al CaPUN" Lynn says with a giggle

"Okay Lynn that was pretty funny" Luan compliments

"I'm always fun when I'm stoned!" Lynn observes

"MOOD SWING!" Luna yells, pitching a bottle of english dry whiskey at the wall

"Not the violent mood swings!" Lincoln complains

"Yes! The violent mood swings are incredibly entertaining, but I'm fuckin' always violent ya sexy beast" Lynn says drunkenly

"Hey Lynn, what if like we, like just started being lesbos?" Luna says drunkenly, the pills obviously actually kicking in

"Fuck man, I dunno, maybe sometime though, if you catch my… baseball, that's the expression right?" Lynn contemplates

"Jesus Christ! Can we just watch the movie and listen to the album already?" Luan asks "Also, would you happen to have any more hidden whiskey and/or drugs, I want to have some fun?!"

"I probably got something in the kitchen" Luna says

"Thanks!" Luan responds

"I'd like some too, please!" Lincoln requests

"Alright, let's do this, whiskey, LSD, Pink Floyd's Dark Side Of The Moon, mine of course, and Lola's copy of the Wizard Of Oz. Anybody want some of this caramel popcorn?"

"Is it spiked?" Lincoln asks knowingly

"You take the chance" Luna says, with a goofy-ass grin

"What with?"

"Speed"

"You can't do SPEED and ACID!"

"Care to wager?"

"No! Luna I don't want you to die!"

"Yeah, more than one drug plus alcohol could easily kill you" Lynn says

"Fine, you guys are no fun, the drugs probably haven't hit you yet, or else you'd be ready to have- MOOD SWING!" Luna says, pitching a vase at the same spot as earlier

"Buzzed yet Luan?"

"Buzzed as a- Like a- So buzzed I can't even think of a pun"

"How bout' you bro?"

"Enough that I couldn't rock if I fuckin' tried"

"Les' go!"

 **1 Hour And 52 minutes Of Rock Later**

"Woah, what the fuck?"

"I know right"

"I've tried to think this over drunk, it hasn't been easy, I think I would like a threesome with you two" Lynn says

"That was originally a joke, but now that you mention it..." Luna agrees

"What the hell, make it four!" Luan says, throwing her hat in the ring

"Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah… Woah" Lincoln says, stopping the conversation "I think we should think this over sober, so we don't do anything regrettable"

"Whatever, plus, I haven't seen Lynn act weird since you made out, maybe that's how we stop this"

"That was pretty smart for a drugged out horny teen" Lynn compliments/insults

"Thanks"

"Yeah Linc, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Famous last words"

"How about I order some chinese food? Anyone up for some I Want Bang Cock" Luan jokes

"Hell yeah, I'll eat anything" Lynn says, taking it literally

"Lynn, she's talking about fucking bro" Luna clarifies

"Ohhhh, well could you also get Chinese food?" Lynn asks

"Here have this popcorn" Luan kids

"Oh sure I love caramel popcorn- wait a second!" Lynn says, with a realization "You're trying to kill me!"

"I swear that I'm not!" Luan says, taking a step back

"And here I thought you were over this yandere shit, and here you are trying to get me to OD!" Lynn accuses

"I was only trying to-" Luan starts

"Shut up! I have no interest in what you have to say right now!" Lynn snaps, starting to leave the room

"Lynn! Wait! I love you!" Luan calls after her


	7. Chapter 8

"Huh?" Lynn says, pausing

"I said, that I. Love. You" Luan enunciates

"How do you mean?" Lynn asks

"I think you're pretty, you're awesome, you don't get scared, you're perfect. In every way, and from Linc's testimony, you're a pretty good kisser" Luan admits

"Luna!" Lincoln says, knowing Luna told Luan about the kissing thing

"Sorry!" Luna responds

"So… you didn't try to murder me?" Lynn asks

"No!"

"Sorry I freaked out, and thought I kicked your ass, and have been mean to you for all these years. Oh who am I kidding, I've been a shitty sister!" Lynn says, before bursting into tears

"No Lynn, don't cry! I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this yet, but…"Luna says, producing a guitar similar to Mark Slaughter's "Pictures of you, aw they're still on my mind, you had the smile that could light up the world, now it rains, it seems the sun, never shines. As I drive! down! This lonely, lonely road! Oooh I got this feelin', that I got to let you go. But now you got to fly! Fly to the angels! Havin' to waste your heart, and flowers bloom in your name! Woah-oh-oh, you gotta fly! Fly to the angels! All the stars in the night shiiine in your name" Luna ends, singing the lyrics to "Fly To The Angels" by Slaughter

"That's an awesome song! I like Up All Night."

"I can do that one too" Luna says "When evening comes, I am alive-"

"Luna! Only the first one was helping, sing more ballads!"

"Alright, alright. Bayyybay, you're my angel, come and save tonight. You're my angel, come and make it all righhht! What else, Um, You know I'm a dreamer, but my heart's of gold, I had to run away high, so I wouldn't come home low, just when things went right, doesn't mean they're always wrong, just take this song, and you'll never be left all alone"

"(sniff) That was nice of you Luna, but (sniff) I still don't know if I can live with myself-" Lynn says sadly

"Woah! Lynn. Don't even finish that sentence!" Lincoln interjects

"Yeah! I forgive you!" Luan exclaims

"But I-I can't forgive myself" Lynn sulks

"Lynn Lee Loud Jr. remember how much fun we had at the bar! Where'd that Lynn go?" Luna questions, still too drunk to be sympathetic

"She's g-gone" Lynn chokes

"I'll sleep with you! I'll do whatever you want, Lynn just stay on this earth so I can see your beautiful face every day, that's the only thing that keeps me alive!" Lincoln cries

"Wha-What?" Lynn asks, shocked

"You keep me alive!" Lincoln summarizes

"You keep us all alive in different ways!" Luan exclaims

"Where the hell would I be without the best drummer I've ever seen!?" Luna says (How about sober up, your sister just said she can't live with herself)

"How would I know if my jokes really aren't funny, if not for your cute groan?" Luan asks rhetorically

"You could just-" Lynn starts

"No, we couldn't! You're our everything Lynn!" Lincoln says

"I-I don't know what to do with myself-"

 _Luna plays the guitar riff from Jack White's version of that song_

"-anymore"

"What do you mean?"

"I've been on and off the bench for months, with injuries and gigs, and that's about the only direction my life's got"

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't know you were ever even hurt."

"It's okay, they were never major injuries, just scratches, and some sprained wrists and ankles"

"No, not like that, you never show when something's hurting you"

"Well then I guess this is the best time to say, that I'm always hurting a little"

"How s-so?"

"Well, I wonder what life would be like, if we hadn't fallen in love? I mean, I still wouldn't have a direction in my life, but maybe I could have friends, or a boyfriend I wouldn't have to hide from everybody… maybe I'd already have been accepted to Clemson (Rain is Gamecock tears), maybe I could have a car, and a license, we could go on tour, I maybe wouldn't be an alcoholic, although, that's more Luna's fault, I could move to LA like I wanted to do so long ago? But, it's a little late for that now. isn't it?"

"Are you saying, that we-we're not good for each other?"

"No! No. I was just wondering, what it would be like, not that I want to not be with you"

"But, those are your dreams, am-am I killing your dreams?"

"No, it's just, we do so much together, I haven't had time to follow them"

"Well then that tears it, I'm not going to ruin your life any more than I already have, I'll leave you alone for a few days, and we'll see how your life goes"

"I don't want you to leave! I was just thinking-"

"No, don't, just don't talk me out of this, I won't do anything romantic around you for three days, that's 2553 days less than Shenandoah, and I bet your life will go better"

"I guess, but can we kiss now?"

"Eh, what the hell? Starting tomorrow, what I said a bit ago"

"Cool, cool. Hey why haven't Luan and Luna said anything for a while?"

 _As they both look around, they see a disturbing, yet arousing, sight Luan and Luna kissing, and scissoring, with their clothes and hair a mess_

"Aw what?! Never seen love before?" Luna drunkenly shouts

"Lynn, she's drunk! Get her off me, I mean I like this, but I'm tired of you two's cliche shit, and tired in general"

"No problem, but yeah, sorry for being a prick without one to ya, for 18 years or so" Lynn says

"Water under the bridge sis, water under the bridge" Luan says softly


End file.
